[To the best of my knowledge, there isn't a Hello Kitty (yes, from our friends at Sanrio) movie. If there were, the theme song to that movie might make a good soundtrack for this blog. But now that I think of it, I don't recall any animation of the figures, so perhaps we don't know what sounds they make so it's a bit more difficult to adapt their tragic stories (do they even have stories or are they just really pink and irresistible to little girls?) to the silver screen. Who can say....]
So the cats have finally joined me here. That is, perhaps, the understatement of the year when you realize what it takes to get felines from the US to Germany. Initially, I was going to make this a joint blog with my sister-in-law, Dena (yes, she has given permission to use her name), as she is more of an expert in these matters. But that would've required me to remain current on the blog which clearly I have not succeeded at of late. So I will sketch the outline and invite her to comment or submit a clarifying/correcting entry because I'm sure I will forget some of the details. Some of you have heard pieces of this saga along the way, so bear with me.
In a nutshell, cats with up-to-date vaccinations in the United States that have a Euro chip implanted in their bodies (accomplished through a shot between the shoulders from a really large-for-a-cat needle) are allowed into Germany without going through a quarantine period so long as you get a veterinarian to examine them and certify to their health within 10 days of their travel. Swell! Well, as those of you who ever tried to take an exam based on a reading of Cliff Notes, the nutshell version often omits some important pieces of information. (For the record, I have never read a Cliff Notes version, but I will admit to having purchased some Nutshell books in law school and, um, I'm still waiting for my invitation to join the Order of the Coif.)
Now, I realized that since I would be living in temporary housing for at least a month over here, I couldn't bring the cats (aka the Lads, aka 'Banes and Oxley -- yes, it's as pathetic as it sounds) over here when I came. While there are dogs everywhere over here (not just restaurants and outdoors, but also in airports, on the subways, in the grocery store, and even in department stores), cats don't seem particularly welcome in public or, perhaps I should say, reasonable accommodation has not been made for them. I still wonder whether, if I could get them to wear leashes or maybe don a sled team harness, they could, because of their corpulent size, friendly demeanor, and penchant for licking people, pass as dogs. Perhaps that's something to try once they get used to their Liederhosen. (I'm kidding. Truly. But don't you feel kinda bad for all the kittens I had on the farm as a child?)
So I looked into pet relocation programs. Yes, they exist. Do a search sometime for pet relocation or pet moving and you will be amazed. Contact them and ask for pricing and you may need to reach for the defibrillation paddles. (After my initial inquiry, I keep my pair close at hand, which helped with the kitchen pricing.) To pick up the Lads from wherever they were, transport them to the airport, load them into cargo, pick them up on the other end, walk them through cat control, and deliver them to me in Frankfurt was $1,600. EACH. PLUS I was still responsible for taking the cats to the vet for the animal health certificate, having the Euro chip implanted, and boarding them until I was ready for the shipment. I then went online and found a place that basically laid out (for $6) the process for shipping the cats and the paperwork required. Hmmm.... And a round-trip coach ticket from ORD to FRA was only $1,000. Hmmm.... All I needed was something akin to a cat mule.... Figuratively speaking.
So Dena agreed to take care of the cats until I was settled, would do the health check with veterinarian that was required 10 days before their departure, and then I would just buy her and the Lads a ticket to come over. I ordered a supply of food for them, some herbal anti-anxiety pills for the trip, and the right size cages and dropped them off at their new temporary home in the burbs a few days before I departed for Germany. Simple, right? (You know what's coming, right? Say it with me...) "Not so much."
For starters, while the Lads seemed calm when I dropped them off, they went nuts later. These are VERY friendly animals, but when they were allowed into the main part of the house, they (particularly Oxley) started attacking the official cat of the house, Sigma (who would be so cruel to name a cat after the summation icon in Excel?), and he even attacked his buddy Banes. There was, I believe, the feline equivalent of weeping and gnashing of teeth. They eventually settled in, but I felt bad not only for the cats but also their hosts! In the end, though, they undoubtedly got much more attention there than they get with me as they would keep Seth company when he was working in his office and my niece also spent a lot of time with them.
The good news is that airfare prices came down, so I was able to get tickets for both Seth and Dena to come over for less than $1,000. Deal! So I booked their flights and, a few days later, called American Airlines to book the cats on the same flight since there are limitations on how many animals are allowed in the cabin. On this call I learned that no animals are allowed in the cabin on transatlantic flights (which I guess makes sense, given the length of the flight and the need of the animal to eat and, um, do their business during the flight, which wouldn't be conducive to an under-the-seat cabin configuration). Instead, they would be in a temperature and pressure-controlled environment in cargo. Hmmm.... Reservations could not be made for the cats, they would just be checked in as excess baggage on the day of the flight. And oh yeah, if it was forecast to be colder than 45 degrees Fahrenheit or warmer than 85 degrees at any point on the itinerary on the day of travel, the cats would be denied "boarding." Uhhh.... Average high temperature for 5 March in Chicago? Fahrenheit 42. Ruh roh. I checked the fine print on the web site, though, and found an exception (maybe those Nutshell books DID make me into a quasi-lawyer!). If the veterinarian issuing the international health certificate specifically authorized travel in colder or warmer weather, the cats could fly when it was as cold as Fahrenheit 20. Hmmm.... After all this hassle, I certainly didn't want them freezing on the tarmac, but this might allow them to at least travel when the weather was colder than 45 but still above freezing. And I was feeling lucky as I crossed my fingers for a manifestation of global warming on 5 March.
As the departure date grew nigh, I finally started reaching out via email to some of what appeared to be the main veterinary clinics to find a place where Dena could take the Lads for their pre-departure check-up. The pre-departure check-up results in the issuance of an international animal health certificate, which only certain veterinarians can issue. My vet in the city, City Cat Doctor, was able to issue them, so I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal to find someone in the suburbs. I was wrong. Fortunately, Dena volunteered to assist in the search, called some local places, and was able to get them in. Of course, if the weather didn't cooperate, we would have to get another certificate before their next travel attempt.
So they had their appointment a few days before the scheduled departure date. During which appointment, if I recall correctly, the vet broke it to Dena that we also needed to have some sort of approval/certificate from the US Department of Agriculture. Uhhh.... Their office for Illinois was in Springfield. Uhhh, there was no way that would work to get the paperwork down there, stamped, and back in time for the departure. And you know how quickly the government generally works anyway. Fortunately, though, they had established a satellite office in Des Plaines near O'Hare. So Dena had to make an appointment and drive all the way in there to get this darn paperwork. Where she was told that in addition to the information on the rabies vaccinations of the cats, they also needed the certificate the vet issues when the vaccination is performed. So she called up my vet, which was able to fax over the form, which met the US requirements. But as she was leaving, the person there said something to the effect of, "Good luck getting them into Germany. They normally want original documents." Sweet. I, of course, had the original documents with me here in Germany.
So the day came. The weather cooperated. Dena packed the Lads up in their crates with the requisite absorbant pads, tiny litter boxes, food and water bowls, a package of food taped on top, a bunch of documentation, and a lot of crossed fingers. The vet has also prescribed a "little something" to make the trip less traumatic on them. I didn't receive a call or text message from them before they met, so I continued crossing my fingers. I went to the airport with documentation at hand and the cell phone in hand in case the pet health/immigration people needed to talk to me. I also had a colleague at work standing by to be conferenced in in case there was a language issue.
I heard them before I saw them in the arrivals terminal. I'd recognize those yowls pretty much anywhere. They were both very much alive and very much cranked at being in the cages. Seth said that when they first picked up the the Lads in baggage claim, they were very quiet, just sitting there and chilling. But as soon as they got any sort of attention they went into their attention-seeking, "the end of the world is nigh" yowling, and pawing at their crate doors.
The crates do not, unfortunately, fit into the car (at least not if we wanted Seth and Dena to also fit in the car with me), so in the parking garage we had to get them out of their crates and put them in the smaller carriers I had brought along. I was certain that they would try and bolt at the opportunity to be free and we'd never see them again, but somehow they consented to being recrated in the cozier carriers and were quiet on the drive home.
As soon as they saw food, they settled in quickly enough. Within a few days my mild cat allergies had blossomed, paw prints were appearing where they shouldn't be, my bed was no longer my own, and the plants had been attacked and regurgitated on the carpet. But the place did have better positive energy and feng shui, so I'll try to focus on that.
And I'm pretty sure that's the longest blog I've ever done....
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